The Cockroach Massacre

by | Nov 9, 2009 | Movies, Stories

Texas Chainsaw 50 yard dash by ~Dr-Twistid

Because no one loves an annoying cockroach, a cult was formed by its members who vowed to kill every living cockroach in honor of the housewives who keep annoying their husbands with their loud screams each time they see a crawling cockroach. Why the cockroach massacre? Obviously, because it’s a copycat of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only it’s not just Texas and they don’t do it with a chainsaw.

If you want to be a cockroach killer, here are some important pointers for the training for you to eventually join the cult.

    • Practice the art of killing by killing your cat with a fork. If you can’t kill it after 20 seconds, then you’re just another loser.

 

    • Burning moths in the candle is no longer a big story for grown-ups. Why not grill your dog alive and have a nice meal?

 

    • If you still believe that an ant has some skin on its fragile body (after a terrible argument with your mom who believes ants don’t have skins), then trust your instinct and skin it with a samurai sword. Being able to skin the ant without cutting the ant’s body means you are one tough bastard, congratulations!

 

    • Get a fly and place it inside an oven. Toast it and then feed its burn body to the dogs in the neighborhood.

 

    • Slice the cow’s balls and place it in an electric blender. Pour it into a glass and serve it to mom and dad.

 

    • Catch a rat and throw it from the 10th floor to the first floor. Get its eyeballs to replace your teddy bear’s lost eyeballs.

 

    • Catch a pregnant mosquito and place it inside the freezer. After two hours, carefully slice its belly and get the egg. Stir fry and enjoy.

 

    • Slice your horse’s testicles and feed it to another horse (you are what you eat).

 

    • Throw a grenade to a sleeping bird inside a cage.

 

    • Get a rabbit and place it inside a gas chamber. Be sure to strap its body in the chair.

 

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

 

The performances above are intended for your practice for the finale, the main event- the cockroach massacre. Please do try this at home.

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Teia

Teia

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I’m a wannabe blogger who loves the 90s and Dr. Martens, an annoying mother and a jealous fan of A.M. Homes.

This blog is a reflection of my struggles to stay sober, creative and relevant for the past eight years. I deal with my very minor (perhaps imaginary) social anxieties through blogging about beauty products that I bought compulsively and conquering awkward feelings whenever I face the camera to awkwardly share my fashion outfits.

It’s orgasmic to finally let go of my thoughts and live different lives. Adios. May you find solace in other realms of the universe.

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