No one wants to die, especially if you’re one of those men who commits sins above the average number of sins an average person should commit (don’t tell God). Another thing, no one wants to die if you’re as bad as Hitler (because you know hell is waiting for you).
According to Aristotle, man is born with the capacity to execute fair and proper judgment towards things. Before judging Hitler as an evil tyrant, maybe it’s time to offer sympathy and make him less evil just for a few hours or even a few days. As a temporary Hitler sympathizer, here are some of the things I would have suggested Hitler if he was to live today and then die for the purpose of making his life less miserable.
- Hitler should have pursued his passion for art. He should have painted flowers and beautiful landscapes for him to realize that planting daffodils is better than conquering countries.
- Hitler should have smoked weed with the Jews in his garage so he could realize that being a racist is worse than being a drug addict.
- Hitler should have watched a lot of porn so he would be staying inside his room and would have forgotten to declare war against Russia, Italy, and the United Kingdom.
- Hitler should have created a Facebook account so he could get the opportunity to communicate with the Jews, tag photos and get to like posts.
- Hitler should have killed Paris Hilton and Britney Spears . He could have slit Paris’ throat for her negative depiction of women in pop culture and rich girls as spoiled brats. He could have mutilated Britney’s genitalia for not wearing panties and for being an irresponsible mother.
- Hitler should have gone to the Philippines, visit the beaches and appreciate peace not merely as a concept but as an advocacy.
- Hitler should have done his hair in dreadlocks so he could be a bit cool and he would learn to understand other people’s culture.
- Hitler should have watched the Scrappy Coco movie and then get to realize that changing the world could be done in hair salons.
- Hitler should have talked to Megan Fox and then tell her to show some personality, not just some skin. Next time a reporter interviews her, I hope he could show a slice of her intellect (if she has one).
- Hitler should have played in a black metal band and inflict violence and hatred only in songs, not to his people.
Scrappy Coco shouldn’t only be remembered because of his bush and testicles and the fact that he’s giving every senior citizen one good favor- a free sex service after the haircut. The Zohan has his own propaganda- Lather. Rinse. Save the world.
Here are some of my reasons why Scrappy Coco should not just be the older women’s hero.
- Scrappy Coco doesn’t want to fight anymore, the only thing he wants is to work for Paul Mitchell, cut hair and please the senior citizens.
- Scrappy Coco has the balls to tell his fellowmen that he is tired about the never-ending war between the Israelites and the Palestinians- that he doesn’t want to get connected to more bombings and killings. He is an inspiration to all the soldiers in the world who use drugs, undergo methadone detox and other psychiatric proceedings after facing trauma in the battlefields. He aspires to make the world silky smooth.
- Scrappy Coco proves to the world that we can still live together in the same street or house even if we belong to different races.
- Scrappy Coco teaches every man that having a penis also means making every girl happy, even if she’s fifty years older than you.
- Scrappy Coco is a hero because takes care of animals, especially goats.
- Scrappy Coco teaches every man that to be a man doesn’t mean being in battlefields and killing people- to be a man is to have the courage to fight for your dream even if you have to cut hair and be a successful hair stylist.
- Scrappy Coco teaches us that Mariah is really not a bitch, as others think she is.
- Scrappy Coco teaches us about love and loving the owner of the house you are living in.
- Scrappy Coco teaches us that every woman craves to be pampered. That older women still have some craving for sex aside from getting their hair done.
- Scrappy Coco teaches us that your hot boss will soon be your hot girlfriend.
To Scrappy Coco, you’re not a piece of crap, actually, you should be a hero. You’re not just a piece of testicle, you’re an anti-war activist, a disco advocate and a passionate lover of the senior citizens. Long live Scrappy Coco!