Wrestlers Saving the World

Wrestlers Saving the World

Just when you are already on the edge of convincing yourself that the world is becoming an annoying habitat, you happened to watch Batista, The Edge, The Undertaker and other big guys in the TV fighting in and out the ring, almost naked. Then the bells ring and the wrestlers are happily saving theworld.

Sorry Powerpuff Girls, the wrestlers are willing enough to save the day. And if you’re thinking they don’t have the chemical X to make them fly and fight the monsters for them to be labeled as “superheroes”, technically, they are still superheroes because they are proudly appearing in public with just their underwear on (like Batman and Superman). Here are my theories why wrestlers could save the world:

*Because we have problems regarding the world’s higher oil demand and some factories that manufacture clothes offer higher prices for the cost of the production because they are consuming oil for their machines, majority of the wrestlers refuse to wear any clothing except their underwear. By just wearing underwear, they are encouraging their fans to shop less, which leads to lower production of clothing manufacturers and less consumption of oil. (I am unsympathetic right now, no to shopping as of this moment)

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*Wrestlers inflict violence against their enemies without getting them killed (even when they are jumping on each other’s heads and swinging chairs on their faces)- a good influence to terrorists to promote torture against their enemies and not totally killing them. Thus, there will be no more deaths in the world.

*Wrestlers motivate people to eat and take care of their body. Strong and healthy people can build a strong nation. Wrestlers make other people realize that you don’t have to be skinny to be famous. Therefore, there will be no dinner bell to be ignored by people who are considered victims of fashion TV (and other porn videos promoting that sex is only for the skinny girls and lean men).

*Wrestlers teach the world to fight for love- that women are worth fighting for in front of hundreds of people. Thus, the world will be free from acts of cruelty.

Imagine the world becoming a nice place to live in, where people are only wearing their underwear and the terrorists are too busy watching the wrestlers and enjoying their gym equipment for them to make bombs and become suicide bombers. Imagine the no-longer-violent-men buying farm bells to bring back good old memories instead of buying high powered guns and grenades to mark tragic scenes. To all the wrestlers, thank you for saving the world.

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PS: You are the reason why I am writing with just my underwear right now. I love the violence.

Plan B- Changing the World

paris_hilton_tied_up_by_dannyphanto-d3452d3Paris Hilton is a lame singer, not a porn star. But when she’s on TV, everyone just can’t stop thinking she really is a porn star, so is Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. So what really happened to pop culture?

With problems related to global warming and Obama controversies, I am still bothered by Paris Hilton. Now, I am finding ways on how to change the world without her.

1. Kill Paris or instead of letting her waste her time kissing dogs, make her take a master’s degree in mba online.That would serve her best. Next time your boyfriends tell you Paris and all the other women have nothing else to offer except stupid brains, tell them to go to hell and then kill them one by one.
2. Change the world by killing all emo band members. Hitler hates emo. Pathetic emo bands don’t belong here in this world, they should go to mars and be pathetic forever.
3. Kill all the cockroaches by stepping on their bodies, not by spraying commercial toxic pesticide. Save a few lungs and perform the cockroach massacre the natural way. Think of the crunchy sound each time you step on their fat bodies.
4. While there are possible threats about countries going after other countries for oil, be a good fellow by supporting vampires who only fly when they travel to other places, thus zero oil consumption. Support the witches and say yes to broomsticks.
5. Kill Kanye West and save all the teens and Taylor Swift look alikes from being dissed.
6. Change the world and kill all those who tortured monks in Burma.
7. Kill the racists who claim Asians should be cooking for them, not sharing dinners with them. The world is not just about the United States.
8. Change the world and kill the men who claim that pop culture is anti women- that women are gold diggers (as portrayed in TV shows like Joe Millionaire) and that women love to be stared at by different men when they are naked, posing for porn movies and magazines.
9. Kill the writers who keep telling the women to be skinny is to be beautiful. A woman is beautiful whether she is skinny or fat. A woman is beautiful whether she has boobs or without boobs at all.
10. Kill everyone who hates the Powerpuff girls. Kindergarten girls like the PPG can be superheroes in your town.

Powerpuff Girls and Alcohol X

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Professor Utonium did not create the perfect little girls with the supposedly secret chemical X, so Mojo Jojo can now stop hunting the girls. And the chemical X? There’s no chemical X formula, only alcoholic substances like alcohol X, you silly little girls.

If you see Blossom, Buttercup and Bubbles happily fighting the monsters in Townsville, flying in the air with extraordinary powers and punching them hard in the face, then the people of Townsville should thank alcohol X. It’s not a normal thing to see Kindergarten-aged girls fighting the bad guys except if you happen to see the perfect girls of Townsville punching the bastards.

Supposed that there’s really such a stupid thing as alcohol X, then I have two points: our pop culture loves the Powerpuff Girls and clearly, we all love alcohol. Alcohol manufacturers are earning billions by producing bottles of alcohol. Almost everybody loves to get drunk, drink some more and get drunk again- the competitive world of alcohol consumerism.

If Edgar Allan Poe wasn’t into alcohol, would he still become a famous poet of American Literature? If it wasn’t for alcohol, you won’t get the chance to recite Annabel Lee in front of the class. If it wasn’t for alcohol, there would be no Edgar Allan Poe in books. So cheers to all the alcoholics, the alcoholics under alcohol detox, the soon to be alcoholics and the hardcore alcoholics who should be in jail now.

Forget about the Powerpuff girls. They’re not alcoholics, they’re supposed to be perfect little girls remember? It’s all sugar, spice and everything nice, not some alcohol. I’m such a big liar that’s why don’t believe everything that I say. Sorry Craig McCracken.

Hell For Rent

Scientists are complaining that the world is now over populated. Sooner there will be no more wars about oil (US attacked IRAQ for oil), terrorism and diverse political views only wars about conquering the planet.

Declaring wars for ownership of land is not a new thing. The Jews and the Palestinians have been fighting over the holy land of Israel. But declaring wars to rule the world? That’s totally insane. Think of Darwin’s Survival of the Fittest.

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And while the scientists are still complaining about the population (and still not in the mood to talk about global warming, producing documentaries about the problem) and the religious groups are fighting over birth control pills (and keep informing the public that having sex before marriage is a sin and condoms are for the devils (sorry condom users and manufacturers, Vatican believes you’re all Satanic perverts), the black metal bands, the trying hard to be atheists, the brokenhearted souls, the boys who hate the Powerpuff Girls, Mojo jojo and the people whose favorite movie is the never ending versions of the Chainsaw Massacre are all united to promote one solution to end overpopulation- convince Satan to go to North Pole for a cool vacation with Santa Claus and rent hell for temporary residency. Get to know their campaign and read the following:

  1. If you want to rent apartments in the city of man (courtesy of St. Augustine), then you are only promoting overpopulation. Therefore it’s against the campaign.
  2. Sex is okay. Don’t worry if you’re still a virgin, you won’t die if you want to have sex for the first time. If you want to use condoms, make sure that your annoying brother or sister did not make holes in the condom’s pack out of pins or needles.
  3. Hell apartment has great furniture (courtesy of Hitler’s taste) and there’s no need to worry about the fire. Technically, you are insured. What a hell of an apartment.
  4. The last and the most important: Pay your rent on time. Of course Satan loves it when you’re bad and all, but when it comes to hell rules, he loves it more if you’re good. If you wont pay on time, he might get mad and send you to heaven (well, that is if you’re not a hardcore sinner).

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Soon, there will be no more prisons to maintain, no depressed wardens who are against death penalty and no prison breaks. Based on the statements and the group’s strong will to end hunger and oil and energy crisis, I say every member’s request for hell residency should be approved by the Vatican.