Dear Broken Hearted

Dear Broken Hearted

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Your first heartbreak wasn’t easy. It was one of those broken things you wished you could fix right away. It was worse than a badly written poem or a story without meanings, without forms, without characters. You were hardheaded but too gentle. You were vulnerable.

You resurrected Sylvia Plath within you – yet colder and less poetic. She wasn’t Sylvia Plath. My Sylvia Plath was poetic and creative and sensible. You thought about death often, it’s beauty and how you could end life beautifully.

You were Holden Caulfield. You knew you were about to crash. You resisted adulthood and society. In your ugly little mind, you were attracted to the things adults do – drinking, smoking, sex, swearing, work and paying bills. Still, you felt you were young and you weren’t supposed to feel terrible. Like Holden, you wanted all the beautiful things to last forever. You couldn’t handle pain and suffering. You were convinced they were meant only for grown-ups. You wanted to be a catcher in the rye because you believed that innocence is too beautiful to let go. And you shouldn’t let those kids lose their innocence.

 

Brokenhearted

 

You were too comfortable sitting on your favorite chair. You were too comfortable with old friends, old movies that you kept playing a couple of times in a week and old conversations that meant nothing three or four years from now. You hold on too much – to old things, old clothes and old memories.

You’ve read some books alright but they weren’t enough. You couldn’t write poems because you felt that your emotions weren’t ready. You were too happy. And happiness wasn’t such a good element for you to write something sublime.

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Dear You,

Today I challenge you to kill your old self.

Heartbreaks aren’t so bad after all. You’re stronger now. You’re meant for greater things and a heartbreak is nothing but a sad love song. You’ll get over it.

And Sylvia Plath was lovely. She could have despised you for being less poetic. She could have despised you when you stopped writing. You can do all those squats while trying to remember the first lines of “Daddy”. You can be healthy and poetic, there’s nothing wrong about it. And yes death can be sweet but living is sweeter.

You are Holden. Learn to accept the fact that you cannot change the world. Changing the world is too elusive. The world is cruel, learn to live with it. “You can’t ever find a place that is nice and peaceful, because there isn’t any.” In the end, you let those kids fall off the cliff. There is nothing that should be done. You cannot be the catcher in the rye.

Perhaps it’s time not to be too comfortable and gentle. Build your walls. Don’t let your trust issues ruin you. It’s time to be confident and articulate. You can be confident. You can be smart. You have resources and you can use them. Stop thinking about your hair. Stop thinking about your dark under eyes. Stop thinking that you need to be pretty and smart and talented because you want to be different from other girls that you see in the social media. I’m sorry if you felt meaningless, I promise you it’s going to end soon. It’s not you who is ugly, it’s your society.

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Go out. Find yourself. You don’t need to be Julia Roberts so you can eat, pray and love in unfamiliar places. Go to Budapest next year and discover why you’re so obsessed with the idea of being there in the first place. Think of those sausages in Germany and convince yourself to stay there for a week, just drinking beer (though you don’t really like beer), eating sausages and learning German. Meet strangers. Go bungee jumping with new and old friends. Do not let yourself be confined ever again.

You do not need to feel sad just to write. You need to write and produce a form of ecstasy within you and your readers. Yes, your readers may be your gods but do not let them own you. It’s all right to be trapped with the idea of the sublime. It’s all right to be jealous of A.M. Homes because she’s gorgeous and talented at the same time. Read as many books as you can. Let them provoke you. Let them inspire you. Sympathize with the characters. Pay it forward and write your own stories.

Happiness can be beautiful in many forms. Continue to find peace, love and happiness. You deserve all the beautiful things in the world. May you live forever.

Kurt Cobain’s Suicide

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When I was younger Kurt Cobain was every teenager’s god. His fate printed every shirt and his song’s played in every room like he was a prophet. And when he killed himself, he became immortal. Hearing him sing was a form of nirvana to the world of pop culture.

To be depressed for caring and not caring too much to other people is an emotion shown by Holden Caulfield, the protagonist and the antagonist of the book entitled the Catcher in the Rye. The supposedly adult book that became the most widely read published novel in high school and college students faced controversies in the year 1961 to 1982. The depression presented in the book was believed to motivate negative emotions to its readers. The shooting of John Lennon by Mark David Chapman, the assassination attempt of John Hinckley on Ronal Reagan and other famous murder cases by that time were all associated with the novel.

If only Cobain did not spend too much time thinking about being sad for other people’s form of entertainment, dreams of hitting more records and more cash by just playing music, then he would have been performing by now. And then on weekends, he’ll be having barbecue parties with his Krist Novoselic and other bandmates who would also buy their own barbecue grills next week. Now, why am I talking about barbecue parties here? Well, for the simple reason that normal people love barbecues. That’s the point.

If only Cobain was a regular father, he would have spent enough time and then learn to develop a personal attachment to his daughter. They would enjoyed shopping for barbecue grills and use them during weekends like any other regular father-daughter who love to shop together. He would have loved spending more time with his little girl and then he’ll forget ever pulling the trigger on his head.

If only Courtney Love was a stereotypical wife who would be a bit sweeter towards Cobain, everything might have changed and Cobain would see a positive influence in Love. They would have been sitting on some park by now watching movies, the normal things normal people would do.

After reading his suicide letter addressed to a childhood imaginary friend, named Boddha, I felt as if the depression started to corrupt me, the same depression I felt after getting emotionally attached to Holden Caulfield in the Catcher in the Rye. Cobain’s suicide letter presents some conclusions about Kurt Cobain: 1. Kurt Cobain saw himself hating almost every human being at the age of seven; 2. Kurt Cobain was no longer having fun performing on stage; 3. Kurt Cobain found himself slowly losing the real Kurt Cobain; and 4. Kurt Cobain wanted to be just like Holden Caulfield, they were both trying to be catchers in the rye. And I am just another Nirvana fan who feels depressed for Kurt Cobain and Holden Caulfield. I’m doe thinking about Kurt Cobain having a nice BBQ grill. Totally awful.

And then, DEPRESSION.