Hell Is Available For Rent

Scientists are complaining that the world is now overpopulated. Sooner there will be no more wars about oil (US attacked IRAQ for oil), terrorism and diverse political views only wars about conquering the planet.

Declaring wars for ownership of land is not a new thing. The Jews and the Palestinians have been fighting over the holy land of Israel. But declaring wars to rule the world? That’s totally insane. Think of Darwin’s Survival of the Fittest.

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And while the scientists are still complaining about the population (and still not in the mood to talk about global warming, producing documentaries about the problem) and the religious groups are fighting over birth control pills (and keep informing the public that having sex before marriage is a sin and condoms are for the devils (sorry condom users and manufacturers, the Vatican believes you’re all Satanic perverts), the black metal bands, the trying hard to be atheists, the brokenhearted souls, the boys who hate the Powerpuff Girls, Mojo Jojo and the people whose favorite movie is the never-ending versions of the Chainsaw Massacre are all united to promote one solution to end overpopulation- convince Satan to go to the North Pole for a cool vacation with Santa Claus and rent hell for temporary residency. Get to know their campaign and read the following:

  • If you want to rent apartments in the city of man (courtesy of St. Augustine), then you are only promoting overpopulation. Therefore it’s against the campaign.
  • Sex is okay. Don’t worry if you’re still a virgin, you won’t die if you want to have sex for the first time. If you want to use condoms, make sure that your annoying brother or sister did not make holes in the condom’s pack out of pins or needles.
  • Hell apartment has great furniture (courtesy of Hitler’s taste) and there’s no need to worry about the fire. Technically, you are insured. What a hell of an apartment.
  • The last and the most important: Pay your rent on time. Of course, Satan loves it when you’re bad and all, but when it comes to hell rules, he loves it more if you’re good. If you won’t pay on time, he might get mad and send you to heaven (well, that is if you’re not a hardcore sinner).

 

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Soon, there will be no more prisons to maintain, no depressed wardens who are against the death penalty and no prison breaks. Based on the statements and the group’s strong will to end hunger and oil and energy crisis, I say every member’s request for hell residency should be approved by the Vatican.

Rehabilitating Pop Culture

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When rockstars scream sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll, everyone then made their conclusion: rockstars are drug users. When they heard about guys in dreadlocks, they then believe all guys in dreadlocks are smoking weed. With such false conclusions, why not be fair and suspect everybody a drug user?

Here are two fair judgments: 1. not all rockstars are drug users (though 70-90% of them do use drugs); 2. not all guys in dreadlocks are drugs users either (well actually 80% of them really smoke weed). Here is one good explanation why I don’t blame you for your unfair judgment: You’re just too trapped with the popular idea that popular culture is dependent on drugs.

Everyone can be a victim of drugs, even your favorite celebrities just like Lindsay Lohan. In fact, I think 50% of her popularity comes from going in and out of rehab. Well, don’t be surprised, celebrities are paying big money for their drug rehabilitation and then expect them to be back after a couple of months. When they’re not making movies or recording albums, they’re probably spending a lot of time in rehabilitation centers for drug detox.

While the third world countries are promoting birth control pills and fighting freedom over their leaders, the thirty something, the twenty something and the below twenty something have one strong voice- to legalize marijuana (though in some countries, marijuana is just a non addictive weed so it’s not illegal). When people heard about the Rastafari movement, 60% of them are convinced that marijuana should be legal. In the Philippines, there are more marijuana plantations than banana and rice plantations. What a cool country to plant and smoke weed.

Drug abuse has always been a part of popular culture. The generation X or the baby boomers enjoyed the wild days of Rolling Stones and The Beatles. The members of The Rolling Stones were actually accused of being a bad influence to their public audience for producing songs promoting sex, violence and drugs. The Beatles also received negative criticisms from the older audience when they released their song entitled “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” which was interpreted and abbreviated by critics as LSD. If not sex, pop culture is definitely about drugs.

Of course as a law abiding citizen I say pop culture should not be dependent on drugs. But the ironic thing is that songs, movies and books are popular because they revolve in one universal theme: DRUGS. If Eric Clapton’s “Cocaine” was a hit, then thanks to drugs. If The Goodfellas has a good story, then thanks to drugs. If love lines such as “you’re my perfect drug”, “I’m addicted to you” and “you make me feel so high” are in every card or love note, then thanks to drugs. If drug rehabilitation centers exist, then thanks to drugs. Well, I say hooray for the paraphernalia, for the bongs and the not-so-hygienic needles!

Seriously, drug abuse is still a criminal offense. That’s why rehabilitation institutions and online sites promote drug detox for the users and for the society to slowly withdraw from drugs and eventually rehabilitate our pop culture.