How Wrestlers Can Save The World

How Wrestlers Can Save The World

Wrestler dives

Just when you are already on the edge of convincing yourself that the world is becoming an annoying habitat, you happened to watch Batista, The Edge, The Undertaker and other big guys in the TV fighting in and out the ring, almost naked. Then the bells ring and the wrestlers are happily saving the world.

Sorry Powerpuff Girls, the wrestlers are willing enough to save the day. And if you’re thinking they don’t have the chemical X to make them fly and fight the monsters for them to be labeled as “superheroes”, technically, they are still superheroes because they are proudly appearing in public with just their underwear on (like Batman and Superman). Here are my theories on why wrestlers could save the world:

 

Wrestlers shaking hands

 

  • Since we have problems regarding the world’s higher oil demand and some factories that manufacture clothes offer higher prices for the cost of the production because they are consuming oil for their machines, the majority of the wrestlers refuse to wear any clothing except their underwear. By just wearing underwear, they are encouraging their fans to shop less, which leads to lower production of clothing manufacturers and less consumption of oil. (I am unsympathetic right now, no to shopping as of this moment)

 

Wrestler fighting

 

  • Wrestlers inflict violence against their enemies without getting them killed (even when they are jumping on each other’s heads and swinging chairs on their faces)- a good influence to terrorists to not kill their enemies. Thus, there will be no more deaths in the world.

 

  • Wrestlers motivate people to eat and take care of their body. Strong and healthy people can build a strong nation. Wrestlers make other people realize that you don’t have to be skinny to be famous. Therefore, there will be no dinner bell to be ignored by people who are considered victims of fashion TV (and other porn videos promoting that sex is only for the skinny girls and lean men).

 

  • Wrestlers teach the world to fight for love- that women are worth fighting for in front of hundreds of people. Thus, the world will be free from acts of cruelty.

 

 

Imagine the world becoming a nice place to live in, where people are only wearing their underwear and the terrorists are too busy watching the wrestlers and enjoying their gym equipment for them to make bombs and become suicide bombers. Imagine the no-longer-violent-men buying farm bells to bring back good old memories instead of buying high powered guns and grenades to mark tragic scenes. To all the wrestlers, thank you for saving the world.

 

PS: You are the reason why I am writing with just my underwear right now. I love the violence.

Why You Should Hate Barbie

Why You Should Hate Barbie

America__s_Favorite_Toy_by_bleste

(Written by an insecure middle child)

Barbie is not hot. Believe me, she’s just another Paris Hilton hosting all those white trash parties. If you love melting plastic materials, then you must love killing Barbie (and hopefully Hilton). Don’t mind Ken, he’s a no good guy. If you have been playing Barbie dolls when you were younger, then this too along with the other normal little girls, is your revenge. And if you are one of those brothers of the little girls who used to pull off Barbie’s arms and legs, cut her blonde hair and burned her body in the campfire, then you deserve a little reward.

It was reported that Barbie dolls have lead content that can cause brain damage. As Jay Leno said if your little girl is playing Barbie dolls, then most probably your kid is going to end up like Barbie. Now I won’t make Jay Leno shut up, I must admit, he has a point. Bringing back old times with Barbie dolls? Well, they just rekindle stupid memories when you once wished you were pretty like Barbie but you can’t be pretty because you have pimples and you’re not skinny.

 

Here are some reasons why you should hate Barbie

1. Barbie influences the little girls with these wrong ideas about being a woman. 1. That women are only considered beautiful when they’re skinny, blonde, long-haired and long-legged; 2. That beautiful women must wear skirts and fabulous dresses to be loved by boys. Indeed, Barbie set the standard of what is a beautiful woman.

2. Barbie pushes the girls to reach their puberty at an early stage – wear make up and get more boys. Barbie steals their childhood experiences. Daddy’s little girl is off wandering in the streets for boys. Also, expect her to skip dinner because she’s on a diet.

3. Barbie influences the girls that the girls are just created by God to put on some makeup, some nice gowns, skimpy skirts, halter tops and low neckline dresses everyday of their lives and their worries only include cosmetics and hair salons. And the worries about the world of politics and economics? Barbie should have clearly pointed out to leave it to the male species.

If you’re still not completely motivated, then you need to drink some soda and sushi to awaken your senses. And if you’re wondering if I ever played with Barbie way back when I was a sweet little girl, the answer is yes, every girl does. Every girl is Barbie’s victim so don’t ask me why I am so pissed off with Barbie.

Now I am on a quest to kill Barbie in our pop culture and bury her where no little girl can ever find her again. Finally, every little girl’s sweet revenge.