Hell Is Available For Rent

by | Oct 24, 2009 | Stories

Scientists are complaining that the world is now overpopulated. Sooner there will be no more wars about oil (US attacked IRAQ for oil), terrorism and diverse political views only wars about conquering the planet.

Declaring wars for ownership of land is not a new thing. The Jews and the Palestinians have been fighting over the holy land of Israel. But declaring wars to rule the world? That’s totally insane. Think of Darwin’s Survival of the Fittest.

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And while the scientists are still complaining about the population (and still not in the mood to talk about global warming, producing documentaries about the problem) and the religious groups are fighting over birth control pills (and keep informing the public that having sex before marriage is a sin and condoms are for the devils (sorry condom users and manufacturers, the Vatican believes you’re all Satanic perverts), the black metal bands, the trying hard to be atheists, the brokenhearted souls, the boys who hate the Powerpuff Girls, Mojo Jojo and the people whose favorite movie is the never-ending versions of the Chainsaw Massacre are all united to promote one solution to end overpopulation- convince Satan to go to the North Pole for a cool vacation with Santa Claus and rent hell for temporary residency. Get to know their campaign and read the following:

  • If you want to rent apartments in the city of man (courtesy of St. Augustine), then you are only promoting overpopulation. Therefore it’s against the campaign.
  • Sex is okay. Don’t worry if you’re still a virgin, you won’t die if you want to have sex for the first time. If you want to use condoms, make sure that your annoying brother or sister did not make holes in the condom’s pack out of pins or needles.
  • Hell apartment has great furniture (courtesy of Hitler’s taste) and there’s no need to worry about the fire. Technically, you are insured. What a hell of an apartment.
  • The last and the most important: Pay your rent on time. Of course, Satan loves it when you’re bad and all, but when it comes to hell rules, he loves it more if you’re good. If you won’t pay on time, he might get mad and send you to heaven (well, that is if you’re not a hardcore sinner).

 

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Soon, there will be no more prisons to maintain, no depressed wardens who are against the death penalty and no prison breaks. Based on the statements and the group’s strong will to end hunger and oil and energy crisis, I say every member’s request for hell residency should be approved by the Vatican.

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Teia Sorroche

Teia Sorroche

Sober Girl

I'm a wannabe blogger who loves John Rambo, Dr. Martens and everything 90s, an annoying mother and a jealous fan of A.M. Homes.

About The Blog

This blog is a reflection of my struggles to stay sober, creative and relevant for the past eight years. I deal with my very minor (perhaps imaginary) social anxieties through blogging about beauty products that I bought compulsively and conquering awkward feelings whenever I face the camera to awkwardly share my fashion outfits.


It's orgasmic to finally let go of my thoughts and live different lives. Adios. May you find solace in other realms of the universe.
 

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