An Interview with Sleeping Beauty’s Godmother
(Remember the story of Sleeping Beauty and how she slept for a hundred years because of the alleged evil spell of her godmother? If you still do, then it’s time to hear the other side of the story and offer sympathy (or remain unsympathetic) to Sleeping Beauty’s godmother).
Once upon a time, the foolish Sleeping Beauty was born. Well yes, she was a beautiful princess of course, as what princesses should be. Don’t blame your mom for all those sweet little lies she happened to read to you when you were just a little girl. All mothers should not be blamed for telling their kids that the stepmother of Snow White was an evil witch, the stepsisters of Cinderella were ugly (therefore you all had a conclusion that they were evil) and Sleeping Beauty’s godmother put her on a curse that made her sleep for a hundred years. But believe me, all those terrible accusations about Sleeping Beauty’s godmother were not true. Well, for the public’s information, I was the godmother whom every parent, teacher and grandparent called “evil” and “wicked”. Now, after reading all those books about writers blaming me, I believe that I have the right to explain myself to all the little girls (and the not so little girls anymore) who are made to believe that I was the villain in Sleeping Beauty’s life.
The stories about me being the villain started when I got drunk and cursed Sleeping Beauty. I was drunk and that’s my only valid excuse. I didn’t mean to do it, you can’t blame me. At that time, I was sober and disappointed because I was not invited to attend the party. And when they found out Sleeping Beauty lying on the floor, unconscious, they threatened to kill me. I was the only suspect they could think of. Now, can you think of anything awful as that? They didn’t even have any idea who the real Sleeping Beauty was behind that innocent image, the losers! She was no longer a virgin for God’s sake and the princes were stupid enough to believe that she never had sex all her life. Well, she was a big liar. And the writers about Sleeping Beauty’s fairytale are all a bunch of liars. Sleeping Beauty slept for a hundred years because she was dead drunk that she couldn’t even get up after ninety-nine years when she was laid to bed. She was too addicted to drinking that an alcohol detox was hopeless. So stop blaming me and if you got a kid, don’t read her fairy tales. Fairy tales are for idiots, read her Catcher in the Rye and some Ernest Hemingway stories instead.
PS. Sleeping Beauty bought lots of alcoholic bottles, in her desperate hope to find a genie in the bottle. What a loser.
Alcoholic drinks that can make you sleep for ninety-nine years? That’s just awesome. If Professor was drunk when he accidentally created the perfect little girls of Townsville, then thanks to alcohol. I love the Powerpuff Girls.
I’m a wannabe blogger who loves the 90s and Dr. Martens, an annoying mother and a jealous fan of A.M. Homes.
This blog is a reflection of my struggles to stay sober, creative and relevant for the past eight years. I deal with my very minor (perhaps imaginary) social anxieties through blogging about beauty products that I bought compulsively and conquering awkward feelings whenever I face the camera to awkwardly share my fashion outfits.
It’s orgasmic to finally let go of my thoughts and live different lives. Adios. May you find solace in other realms of the universe.